i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
