You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
