did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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