chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
