I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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