dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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