Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
