I just pynch a tree in the face
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
even my farts smell like vagina
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
