Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
