god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
