I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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