my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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