What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
