so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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