You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
