I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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