Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
