Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
