Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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