why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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