This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
