What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
