just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
