ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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