Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize