Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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