My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
