It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
