Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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