there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize