I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
