He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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