At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
