i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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