whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
