I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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