Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
