When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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