Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
