ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize