At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
