Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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