Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
