State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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