I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
