i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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