My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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