I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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