It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
