508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
