I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
