I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
