Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
