i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
