I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
