you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
