If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
