I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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