remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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