I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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