I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize