Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
