how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
