I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
