it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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