Fuck appropriateness.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
