Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
