So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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