Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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