i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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