Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
