how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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