youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
