i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
