and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can I color on your dick again?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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