TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
