we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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