New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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