i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize