the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
