I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
