More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
