The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
