your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
