forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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