yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
