What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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