1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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