dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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