Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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