He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
