I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
