Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
