Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
