a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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