From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
