Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
