Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize