I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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