Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
