My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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