i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
