Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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